


God-Shaped Problem

by misato



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Bottom Thor (Marvel), Come Eating, Hand Jobs, M/M, Shameless Smut, Size Kink, Size Queen Thor, i've been wanting to write thor/bruce for so long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-16 19:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15443955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misato/pseuds/misato
Summary: When Bruce woke up with morning wood for the third time that week, he decided that he had a problem.A tall, gorgeous, god-shaped problem. With a nice ass. And lightning bolts in his hands.Jesus, the guy could probably send 10,000 Volts to his dick and he’d still thank him for it.Shit. He was right. This was definitely getting out of hand.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i was too much a dweeb to write genuine hulk smut

When Bruce woke up with morning wood for the third time that week, he decided that he had a problem.

A tall, gorgeous, god-shaped problem. With a nice ass. And lightning bolts in his hands. 

Jesus, the guy could probably send 10,000 Volts to his dick and he’d still thank him for it.

_ Shit _ . He was right. This was definitely getting out of hand.

Bruce dragged himself out of bed and stomped towards the showers as quietly as one could stomp in a large, echoey hallway. He was lingering in that unsatisfying medium between mildly irritated and pissed off. If he wasn’t careful, his body could snap into angry mode at any moment. But honestly, the green guy was probably just as horny as he was. 

The showers were blissfully empty. As he stepped under the hot water, Bruce’s body immediately relaxed. Green faded from his fingertips as he wrapped a hand around his dick.

He didn’t even need porn at this point. The Asgardian people had plenty of holographic adult video programming to choose from, but all Bruce wanted was  _ him _ .

He closed his eyes and pictured him kneeling on the tiled floor, one of Bruce’s hands carding through his newly cropped hair, tracing his jawline. His dick filling up that witty mouth of his.

Bruce’s hand moved faster beneath the spray of the shower, and as he came, he choked out a name that had grown all too familiar on his tongue.

_ Thor _ .

And then,

_ Damn it. _

***

Breakfast was miserable.

Bruce was staring hungrily at Thor, who was laughing at a joke Bruce hadn’t been paying attention to in the slightest. His whole body shook thunderously when he laughed, and Bruce wanted to be the one to make him tremble.

In more ways than one.

“How’d you sleep?” Thor said with a dazzling grin, nodding across the table at him.

“You too,” Bruce said, halfway through a forkful of eggs. “I mean, good morning. I mean, good.”

Christ. If interdimensional space travel was possible, why wasn’t getting into Thor’s pants just as likely?

_ That’s not how it works,  _ he thought. _ You’re a scientist. Maybe you should start thinking with your head and not your… _

The rest of the crew began bustling away, back to separate rooms and other areas of the ship. Even Valkyrie slipped away with a mimosa in her hand, tossing a wink at Bruce and mouthing something that he didn’t quite catch.

“Uh, I have to go,” Bruce said nervously, standing up from the table. “I have a thing, it’s-”

“Stay,” Thor said.

“What?” Bruce said, sitting back down. “Why?”

“Is there something wrong?” Thor asked, sounding gravelly and concerned. 

Bruce swallowed, trying to look anywhere but the other man’s eyes. Well, eye.

“No,” he said, acting clueless. “Nothing’s up, why?”

Thor dropped his gaze.

“Did I do something? I feel like you’re avoiding me, Banner. No matter what I do, you make excuses to leave. Whatever I did, I’ll fix it, I promise.”

_ He looks like he’s gonna cry. _

“It’s not really...fixable,” Bruce said.

_ Stupid. Seven goddamn PhDs and you can’t even-- _

“Banner,” Thor said gently, and Bruce realized he was bending the fork in half, fingertips quickly fading from pale to green. “Sun’s going down, love.”

_ Love. _

And then he blacked out.

***

“You all right?” a tentative voice asked from above his head.

Bruce blinked slowly, trying to form words. He was lying half-naked on the floor of Thor’s bedroom with a broken fork in his hand.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I’m fine. What happened? Jesus.”

“Not much,” Thor said. “You weren’t out for that long.”

“I’m sorry,” Bruce muttered, sitting up. “Ruined another shirt. Probably smashed half the ship to smithereens.”

“No,” Thor said. “He’s a lot calmer now. Except…”

He trailed off. The look on his face was strained.

“Except what?”

“He said you needed to talk to me.”

Bruce ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“He’s such a jerk.”

“What’s wrong, Banner?” Thor said, giving him a hand and pulling him up off the floor.

Thor still towered over him by half a foot. They were too close now, skin almost brushing. Bruce was all too aware of his shirtless body and how Thor’s gaze moved over it.

Bruce swallowed hard and looked up at him.

“I’ve been having dreams about you.”

“Bad dreams?” Thor said worriedly. “Prophetic dreams? Is something going to happen with-”

“No, no,” Bruce said, lowering his voice. “Sex dreams, man.”

“Oh,” Thor said. “What about?”

And  _ Jesus _ , Bruce didn’t know his voice could sound like that -- all teasing, and sweet, and slow, like honey spilling across his tongue. And then the words flooded out faster than he could stop them.

“You. Your hair, and your voice, and your stupid lightning powers. And your mouth, mostly. On my dick.”

“Really?” Thor said, and Bruce stopped. 

Maybe he had gone too far.

Thor sunk to his knees.

“Like this?” 

“Yes,” Bruce breathed. “Like that, exactly like that.”

Thor tugged at the edge of Bruce’s underwear and glanced up, a “May I?” of sorts.

“Please,” he begged.

“My lightning powers aren’t stupid,” Thor said, and then he swallowed Bruce down.

His mind immediately went blank.

“Thor,” he whispered shakily.

Thor pulled back and kissed around his dick, mouth tracing over his thighs and biting and sucking at the soft skin.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured reverently, and Bruce shivered.

“You too,” he said, reaching to cup Thor’s cheek. “Let me take care of you.”

“In a moment,” Thor said. “I’m busy.”

Then he deepthroated Bruce again. It was heavenly -- if heaven came in the form of a thunder god’s nonexistent gag reflex.

“I’m not gonna last,” Bruce whimpered, and he felt Thor’s lips quirk around the base of his dick.

Strong warm hands pulled his hips forward, tugging him closer to the heat of Thor’s mouth, and Bruce came down his throat.

Thor gulped audibly and pulled off.

“Finally,” he said, his voice rough.

Knees weak, Bruce stumbled down to Thor’s level and kissed him wetly, tugging at his lower lip until Thor gasped into his mouth.

“Get on the bed,” he said.

Thor raised his eyebrows. Then he stood up started taking off his armor, staring at Bruce in silence as he stripped to his underwear.

Bruce was slowly becoming hyperaware of his dad bod, and he shifted awkwardly in place.

_ It’s not a dad bod if you don’t have kids, Banner. _

Soft stomach and all, Thor was looking at him like he was starving, and Bruce couldn’t wait for those stupidly tight pants to come off. 

By the time Thor finally climbed onto the bed, Bruce was wishing he was young enough to get hard a second time.

“What are you waiting for, love?”

That word again. It made Bruce’s mouth water.

He climbed on top of Thor, hands tracing everywhere he could reach. A thumb dipped into his mouth and Thor sucked on it obediently.

He was definitely better than the holographic camstars. 

He was perfect.

Bruce suddenly looked perplexed, as if he didn’t know what to do first.

“We have plenty of time,” Thor said, as if reading his thoughts. “You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want t- _ ahhhh _ .”

His voice wavered as he trailed off into a moan.

Bruce’s hand was decisively palming through his underwear, cupping that absolute  _ monster  _ of a cock.

“Banner, I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop teasing.”

“Would you?” Bruce said, dipping a hand beneath the fabric and tracing his fingers over Thor’s taut inner thighs.

“Please, Bruce,” Thor said through gritted teeth.

“Please  _ what _ ?”

“Touch me,” Thor begged, and  _ oh _ , to have a god beg for you.

The face he made when Bruce finally stroked his cock was breathtaking.

Bruce kissed him softly, hand moving lazily over his erection; slow enough that Thor tried to buck his hips up to meet his grip.

He pressed his other hand on Thor’s hip.

“Patience,” he murmured against his neck, and the god all but sobbed.

When Thor was nearing the edge, Bruce began jerking him off hard and fast until cum spilled over his hand, messy and beautiful.

“Finally,” Bruce agreed.

He started to get up to search for a towel, but Thor pulled him close instead.

“It’s messy,” Bruce complained, but Thor shrugged before taking his hand and licking it clean.

He watched, mesmerized, as the god sucked at his fingers and swallowed before offering him a sweet smile.

“What do the Midgardians call it?” Thor mused. “Spooning?”

Bruce nodded, amused.

“Be my little spoon, Banner.”

“Okay,” Bruce said, and shut his eyes as Thor wrapped his strong arms around him.

For once, he didn’t fall asleep angry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bold of you to assume i would wait for 200 kudos  
> ladies and gentlemen and classy nb people, monster fuckers of all (legal) ages, i present to you...  
> chapter 2

“D’you think he’s jealous?” Thor asked carefully as Bruce kissed over his jaw, opening him up slowly with his fingers.

“Who?” Bruce said, rendering Thor a speechless puddle for a good few seconds as he pressed a second finger inside.

“You...wow, love, that’s...I mean, you know,” Thor gasped, trying to keep his composure. His hips trembled, searching for friction against the sheets. “The big guy.”

Bruce raised his eyebrows.

_ What about him? _

He hadn’t really lost control since before he and Thor started...y’know.

“Of what?”

He added more lube and kept going. Thor liked being taken apart slowly, and Bruce was happy to oblige.

“Doesn’t he get frustrated too?”

“Sure he does,” Bruce said, stretching his fingers into a V shape. Thor shivered. “He’s frustration personified, what do you --”

Then it dawned on him.

“You wanna fuck me while I’m…”

Thor grinned, wolfish.

“Yes.”

Bruce added a third finger, ignoring the full body flush that had suddenly come over him.

“Can we discuss this later? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

“What, Banner, you’ve never thought about it?”

Bruce had.

It wasn’t as if he’d even be present for it, but the thought of Thor struggling to fit his cock, moaning so loud the whole ship could hear, made him want to explode.

“He’s way too big,” he choked out.

Thor looked delighted.

“No such thing.”

“You’re such a fucking size queen,” Bruce snorted, pumping his fingers in and out.

Thor’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Please, love,” he murmured, his voice a low purr. “Inside me.”

“Alright,” Bruce said, capping the bottle of lube and tossing it aside.

Thor whined as he pressed inside.

“S’good,” he breathed. “You’re doing wonderful, Banner. Just, please --”

Bruce’s fingers brushed lightly against his thighs, pulling him back onto his cock.

“I’m not big enough, huh?” he murmured.

“I never said that,” Thor said. “You’re plenty big.”

“Mhm,” Bruce said, thrusting slow enough to mess with him.

“C’mon, love,” Thor said, struggling to stay still on the bed.

“What?” Bruce said. “You like feeling full, huh?”

Thor nodded, sweaty and unsatisfied, pushing his ass back against Bruce, who was still barely moving an inch.

“You’d take both of us at once if you could.”

Thor cried out, his knees giving way so that he could grind messily against the bed.

“I don’t think you could take it,” Bruce mused, and Thor’s eyes flashed.

The next thing he knew, he was pinned underneath the god, wrists pressed tight above his head, little blue sparks singeing the sheets.

“Wow,” Bruce stuttered.

Thor’s eyes were smoldering as he sat down fully on Bruce’s cock and fucked himself languidly.

“Sorry,” he muttered hoarsely, thumb smoothing over Bruce’s wrist. “Needed this.”

“S’fine,” Bruce said.

They’d messed with lightning before. That was nothing.

He groaned, hands moving to his own erection and pumping it slowly.

“I’ll do it,” Bruce said, taking over, and Thor whimpered. “I’ll make sure you get what you need, love. I’ll fuck you when I’m green, okay? Hold you in my arms and fuck you open. Fill you up. I promise.”

Thor clenched around him and came all over his stomach. 

“Soon,” he said, after Bruce finished inside of him. “Do it soon.”

He pulled off and fell asleep, arms wrapped vine-like around Bruce. He was always exhausted and cuddly after sex.

Bruce stared at the overly decorative ceiling, cock heavy and spent against his thigh, trying very hard not to think about hulking out while inside Thor’s pretty ass.

The sounds he would make.

Green against glistening tan, electric eyes flashing, clean sheets turned dirty.

_ God _ .

They would probably break the bed.

***

Breakfast had been mostly uneventful at first, except for the part where Thor’s boot was halfway up Bruce’s thigh by the end of the meal.

“Get a room,” Valkyrie scoffed, kicking Thor’s leg away.

She splashed another dash of vodka into her cereal bowl and took another bite. At first it had been a dare, but she had gotten used to the taste. 

“We have a room,” Thor said, leisurely replacing his boot to its original resting place. “Several, actually.”

“Soundproof it this time.”

There was a murmur of assent.

Bruce was blushing green from behind his coffee mug.

“Please, brother,” Loki snorted. “I’m begging you, if I have to hear you call Banner ‘daddy’ one more time--”

“I do  _ not-- _ ” Thor started.

“Yes you do.”

“He does not--” Bruce growled, and the green was spreading spiderweb-thin past his T-shirt sleeves.

The world exploded in a flash of light.

***

They were in the showers, sitting on the tile floor, hot water streaming from the faucet. He was wrapped in a towel, and so was Thor. The steam always calmed him down until Banner was ready to come back. 

Thor had hurried him out of the room as quickly as possible as he had shifted. Hulk growled.

“Loki’s stupid.”

“Agreed,” Thor murmured, staring at the steady stream of water before them. “Want to get in?”

“I know what you want.”

Thor blushed. Or maybe it was just the heat. Color flooded his cheeks as quickly as the water swirled down the drain. Hulk’s hand was big enough to splay over his thighs, and it did, slipping under the towel and finding what he already knew was there.

“You’re hard,” Hulk said, and Thor nodded.

Then he stood and dropped the towel. Thor stood too. He was trying not to stare.

The water was hot as it poured over them. Thor’s hand wandered over hard, tight muscle, slipping between those thighs and stroking his dick gently, staring up at him with desperate eyes.

It was bigger than he had imagined.

There was no way that beast of a cock was fitting inside anything.

But he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try.

Before he knew what was happening, Hulk picked him up bridal style and looked him dead in the eye.

“You sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” Thor said, and Hulk started rutting against his ass, his thighs, all over him.

He was much rougher than Banner and didn’t tease. He was fast, desperate to get off. Thor was too.

“Fingers,” Thor said, and Hulk prodded at his ass, pushing one in, then two.

“You prepared for this.”

“Yeah. While Banner was asleep.”

Hulk rumbled against his neck, breath puffing hot against his shoulder.

“Good.”

He had his hands wrapped around the god’s middle and he’d already added another finger. That was probably enough. Thor nodded helplessly as Hulk pushed his dick into the cleft of his ass, rubbing against him. He could feel the head pushing against his entrance and tried to relax and grind back. Banner was right, he was probably going to break. But oh, what a way to go.

It was a slow process, but it eventually fit. Thor was trembling, lightning fizzling from his hands. The shower was still running, but he mustered up enough control to not electrocute the whole ship.

The noises spilling from his throat were rough and needy. Hulk pressed his thumb to Thor’s lips to quiet him in the same way that Banner always did, delving it into his mouth. Thor nearly choked on it; his godly gag reflex somehow went haywire -- he’d gone mad with pleasure. Hulk groaned as if he was about to come, and Thor nearly lost it thinking about being filled up.

“Do it,” Thor moaned around his fingers.

And then it was like a floodgate had broken. His lightning should have nearly killed them both. Thor harnessed his power at the last second, tugging at the strings of sentience that nearly snapped inside his mind. He was close, so close, and then --

“Fuck,” a familiar voice hissed, and Thor felt them both crash to the ground.

Banner was still inside him and Thor clenched up around his cock.

“More, please.”

“There’s so much already,” Banner murmured, awestruck.

He pulled out, hardening by the second, his cock dripping with Hulk’s cum.

“Please, Banner don’t tease me now, please, I need it, I need to--”

Thor was cut off by his own moan as Bruce shoved himself inside, fucking the mess out of him. The wet noise was audible even over the spray of the shower. Leftover cum was overflowing around his cock.

Thor was nearly sobbing.

“Can I?” 

“Yes, love,” Banner whispered in his ear, and roughly stroked him once, twice, and then--

***

“Thanks,” Thor said, his voice soft and dreamy as Bruce passed him a mug of tea. 

He was in bed, wrapped in far too many blankets and pillows.

Bruce kissed his god’s forehead.

“No problem,” he said awkwardly.

_ What do even you say to that? Thanks, man, hope the shower drain didn’t get clogged up with all that-- _

“Really, thanks,” Thor said. “It was nice. I still prefer you, though. I love you.”

Bruce nearly spilled his own mug all over himself.

“You do? I mean, I do. I mean, I do too. I mean--”

“You’re adorable.”

“I love you too,” Bruce managed to say.

Thor’s smile was like sunshine after a rainstorm, and the warmth that flooded through Bruce’s body when he kissed him was worth ten lectures about soundproofing.

***

And that was what they got.

“You used all the hot water!” Valkyrie complained. “For the week!”

“The showers are very echoey, by the way,” Loki added.

Thor just grinned as Bruce’s foot made its way past his calf beneath the breakfast table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hulk smash that mf kudos button!

**Author's Note:**

> tag yourself i'm bruce's anxiety
> 
> 200 kudos and i'll write about hulk's giant dick


End file.
